Lauren Kimball

So I’m finally here in LA for the 2010 Siggraph conference.  I’ve arrived a day early to gather my bearings and situate myself.  The flight was probably long, but I slept through it so I couldn’t tell you first hand.  The food tray made for an inviting pillow once no longer in the upright, locked position required for take off. 
 
In juggling work and conference preparation, I made the major flaw in forgetting to upload the new updates to my Website - namely my new demo reel and still image gallery alterations.  I’m writing from the central library computer not too far from the conference center.  A nice lady named Joyce let me use her computer login to write.  God puts nice people in my way.  Also, I find it amazing how much money you can withdraw from an ATM in LA at a single, given time…(long story) 
 
Although the Internet is nice, this computer won’t allow me to access ether notepad or my FTP server to update my site.  As a temporary band-aid, I’ll upload the reel to my blog in hopes that someone, somewhere will click it. 

Click Here, as this blog won’t let me embed

Been a busy several weeks.  I’ve completely overhauled my demo reel, taking out scribble corn & my super-crappy quadruped walk and replacing them with a re-work of my “Shark Attack” lip sync and the beginning 10 seconds of my new animated short, “A Bone To Pick”.  I hope to put the renders together this Friday for uploading.  I’m also going to reevaluate my still image gallery and add some much needed updates.  Everything ought to be done by this Sunday unless there’s some unforeseen event involving hail and storm damage.

It’s about time I write something to prove that I’m still here, and yes - there’s a pulse.

Sorry for the lapse of updates, I’ve just been terribly busy.  I will be attending Siggraph this year, and in anticipation I’m reworking my demo reel.  I’ll post an update shortly, sorry for not posting sooner.   I’ll make it up with a new animated short (something funny for a change!  No captive whales or laments of genocide, promise!)

~Lauren

Ps- Now to distract you all with this cleverly placed picture of my puppy.

“My task is to make you hear, feel and see. That and no more, and that is everything.” - Joseph Conrad

I always felt that being an animator was a selfish decision on my part.  My Dad was a state trooper, my Mom an ER trauma nurse.  My brother was a fire fighter, my sister a teacher for disabled children.  I’m am an animator.  I know how animation makes me feel and I know that I can make people see things in a different light.  I never fully understood the importance past that.

So when my parents give me too much praise for my trite accomplishments, I remind them that my work is self-serving.  Even when I animate something for someone else, like for Lolita the whale, I benefit.

My Mom would argue me.  It annoyed me, and I often brushed her off because, well, I’m an egotistical, proud humble person and I’ll be damned if anyone is going to argue my logic.  I cast her words to the wind.  Never thought too much into it, until she died.

My Mom has been gone for 48 hours now, died in her sleep in the wee morning hours on Saturday.  It was only half unexpected, as she has been terminally ill most of my life.  My Dad’s heart is broken, and I am helpless to comfort him.  He hasn’t stopped crying except for brief spells of sleep.  He dry heaves, he coughs, he won’t hardly eat and he won’t hardly drink.

I feel lost, even when I pray.  What can I do to help him?  What can I do to lessen his load?  What can I say?  After some consideration, I thought perhaps a movie would be nice.  I loved, “How to Train your Dragon” so, why not try seeing a movie?

I suggested a film, and we left.  He cried a little on the way to the theater, but he kept a straight face in line.  We gave our ticket, we took our seats, the lights went out, and the movie began.

For 98 minutes my Dad didn’t feel pain.  He didn’t feel regret.  He didn’t feel despair.  For 98 minutes he laughed a little, he smiled some, and enjoyed himself.  For 98 minutes he found solace and reprieve in the light hearted story of a boy and his dragon.  For 98 minutes, he felt peace.

I watched the movie, and I watched my Dad watch the movie.  Somewhere during that 98 minutes, the words of my Mom that I had once cast to the wind came drifting back like an old friend.

“How can you say that what you do isn’t important?  Don’t you understand, can’t you see?  You have the ability to bring people happiness when there isn’t any.  You can make them forget, even if it’s just for a little while, the pain that life won’t let them.  For a little while someone dying of cancer won’t think about death.  For a little while, someone who’s physically handicapped will forget their limitations.  For a little while, someone hurting won’t hurt.  How can you say what you do is selfish?  How dare you say that it isn’t as important?  It is the most important, powerful thing you can do for someone.  It’s peace for a moment, and that moment is everything.”

I love you Mom, and I won’t forget.  Not ever.

In short, I loved it.  I think this is the best animated feature film I have ever seen.   I’ll have to see it a few more times to make sure, but I’m totally awe struck by my first viewing.

It seems like every film Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois make remind me of what I want to do with my life.  I argue my limitations so often and I’m so intimidated by the industry that I often forget why it is that I do this in the first place.  Then I see a movie like How to train your dragon and I remember, “Oh yeah, that’s why.”

I’m gonna do this.  I’m going to make it.  I don’t know how long or how far I have to go, but I will make it.  No more of this holding back.  I don’t have to make promises, I simply will.  This is what I was created to do, and I’m not going to settle for less.  Tomorrow I’m going to wake up bright and early and started moving forward again.  Practice, persistence, and determination. 

Thank you God, I’m an animator.

You know those nights where you just can’t sleep for the life of you? I pray for something to happen to ease my restlessness, and inadvertently I’m landed with a notion to get up and work.

How can I best word this? It’s like all week I’ve been bombarded with little hints, like little puzzle pieces coming together, that there’s something relevant I can do for the cause of Orcas in captivity. I’ve been getting e-mails from people all over saying, “Hey, did you hear about Tillikum?” and, “A whale just killed someone, was it the whale you were trying to help?”

No, Tillikum wasn’t the whale I was specifically trying to help, but in helping Lolita in my own small way, I hoped that I was bringing awareness to the plight of captive cetaceans everywhere.

At 2 in the morning it hits me: I need to let go of, “Perchance to Dream”.

I’ve been sitting on this film for a year now as it’s showed at nearly 20 film festivals and has been honored with 8 awards. The film has run it’s coarse though the festival circuit, now is the time to share it with the world. Tillikum committed a tragic act, but out of it perhaps people will turn and look at the other killer whales in captivity. Maybe they will look at Lolita. Maybe, when they read about her, they will see my film and get a perspective on Lolita and other captive whales that the marine parks won’t tell you about.

I’ll think about this for the rest of tonight, but I’m fairly certain that I’ve made up my mind. Now I just hope I can get this restless mind to sleep.

On another note, I promised I would upload a drawing or project of some nature. Recently I’ve been working on my Demo Reel, but I’m not quite ready to unleash it yet. For now, here’s a sketch I did of FrankenWeenie while listening to an animation panel speak in Boulder. I asked Don Hahn to autograph it since he and Tim Burton are producing a feature film on FrankenWeenie. Yay Sparky!

Sparky

Fear is a funny thing. I say funny because it’s ideas are so ridiculous, but so well thought out.

If there’s an artist out there reading these words, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. As if our own masochistic, self-inflicted criticism wasn’t enough, now we get whatever the real world has to dish out. It’s so tempting to tear down a perfectly good dream before it ever has the chance to take flight. I’m only a month out of college and already I’ve caught myself slipping into the trap.

Sometimes I have to shake myself and remember who I am, where I come from, and remind myself where I’m going. I know, like some of you out there, that the pressures of expectations, uncertainty, and possibly a nasty student loan or two can really wear you down. If you let it, fear will worry you into a frenzie before you even apply for a job. You’ll contemplate every damn out come and what-if under the sun, and only when you’ve invested serious time into your doubts will you stop and take inventory on your life and realize that you still don’t have a job! “OH NO! Fear was right! I’m really going to fail, woe is me! I’m such a fool, why didn’t I go to law school while I had the chance…”

Pity consumes you, panic sets in, and your thoughts become a slush pit of self-deprecating mush.
Then you realize that you haven’t even applied yet. There are some bajillion studios out there you have yet to investigate. You’re not at the end of your leash; this isn’t the end of the road. Change your perspective and you’ll realize that huge mountain you’ve been gawking at for the past month is just a pebble at your feet.

What I’m getting at is this: Fear will paralyze you if you let it. Argue your limitations, and they’re yours. School, I’ve come to realize, both prepares and trips your future up at the same time. You get the skill set you need to get the job done, but the predictability and predestined end result can breed complacency. You’re now the one in control of your future, fully and completely without school to draw you a map. But guess what? You’re ready.

If you have an ounce of passion for what you do, then you’ll push forward. Remember why you became an animator. Remember the giants that inspired you. Remember how profound it is to show someone how a character feels instead of telling them. Remember that once upon a time the artists you admire were once students out of college, itching to create without a penny to their name.
Just give it your best damn shot. If you fail, well then you’ll know better the next time you try. If you don’t try, guess what? You fail by default. If you press forward with a good attitude and a smile on your face, believe me, you’ll get where you need to go.
“A man’s heart plans his way, but God directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

As of December 18th, 2009 I am officially a graduate from Rocky Mountain College of Art & Design - A graduate with a double major in both 2D and 3D animation.

As a graduate I now have a piece of paper (well, two actually) that indicate to the world I have the skill set to get things done. Also, I have the free time to utilize these talents - a new concept entirely. Getting re-acquainted with my old friends sleep and spare time is a new and exciting experience! Coupled with the recovery of final semester shell shock, I am now re-energized and fidgety. Fidgety demands action.

Here’s my agenda:

1.) Wipe Deviantart Account save for a few token pieces.

2.) Start Blog (Begin posts and begin construction on desired appearance)

3.) Monthly projects.

4.) Re-do website

Thus far, my wiping of Deviant art is nearly complete, I’ve begun construction on my blog (and am currently authoring it), I have limited access to my FTP until mid-January so the website is on the back burner, and I’m beginning work on my newest art endeavor. What en devour is that you might ask? This post is already too wordy for my taste as is. I’ll show and tell later.

This is more or less a default post so that any of my friends on the web know that I’m alive and kicking. I have a lot of plans for this blog and a lot to say so stay tuned and I’ll be around.