Lauren Kimball

I am now embarking on day three of my Siggraph 2011 adventure.  Already I feel a refreshed vigor to get back to work when I return home.  Animating as a free lance Flash animator for a client the past seven months has been a great experience, yet it’s also proved to be draining.  In free lancing I’ve worked mostly in isolation and, although I had generous input and tips from my colleagues in California, it’s not the same as collaborating with a team face to face.  I miss the enrichment of interaction and the growth from surrounding myself with other creative forces.

This trip has been a great reprieve, and traveling to Vancouver has truly broadened my horizons.  The people are friendly, the currency colorful, the landscape utterly breath-taking, and the countless statues and plaques that pay homage to killer whales is simply cool.

The only set back is the non-disclosure agreement I made with my client in LA.  Until the episode I animated officially airs, I’m not allowed to use it in my public demo reel.  It’s my own fault really, but the two and a half minutes I poured into the past year would have been nice to show for future employers.  Oh well, lesson learned and next year I’ll have even more to show when I couple my flash work with my newest animated short, “Never Again” which I hope to have released in April of 2012.

Warmest regards and salutations from Vancouver!

An observation: it’s occurred to me that we humans have a tendency to abuse words without any real consideration of their original nomenclature.

Take the words ’science’ and ‘art’ for example.  On occasion, a random passerby will be heard proclaiming, “Oh, so-and-so is so good at auto repair, he’s turned it into an art!”  or, “Wow, that so-and-so! He’s got that down to a fine science!”  My proclivity to take things at their literal interpretation coupled with a knee jerk reaction to visualize conversation leads to some interesting results.  Did so-and-so really turn his car into a painting?  Did that other guy really break down whatever he was doing into pie charts?

I’ve come to the following conclusions on translating this particular instance of slang phenomenon:

Art - When referring to something I cannot do.
Science - When referring to something I cannot understand.

For example, I understand the idea of what a surgeon does to a child suffering from tonsillitis, but I cannot conceive myself performing a similar task.  Therefore, the surgeon is an artist.  Alternatively, although I own a car, I do not pretend to understand how it works.  Therefore the auto engineer is a scientist.

Granted that terms can be used loosely and by strictest definition I’m sure surgery and auto engineering both fall under the categories of art and science interchangeably, but lets look at the real & pragmatic definitions of art and science, shall we?

Art - an emaciated youth stuck in a rat infested apartment staring forlorn at the front of a blank canvas all while cursing the heavens for lack of inspiration.

Science - equally emaciated youth who dreams of world domination while meticulously observing, timing, and weighing each phase of a crawdad’s life in the name of basic research.

Oh sure, there’s those chance occasions where an artist pulls Starry Night out from their backside region, or those ‘aha’ moments where you realize E=MC2 and society’s entire perception of reality is upended, spun around 90 times, and finally shoved in a glove compartment of a car hurling off the edge of a cliff.  But lets be honest with ourselves, those masterpiece moments are once in a generation, and that’s if we’re lucky.

As for the relevance of all this, I wasn’t really going anywhere.  Just hopped up on coffee and needed to type.

Tsuki Doodle

Lookie, lookie I drew a Tsuki. :3

Updates are actually scheduled to start this month.  For those interested, this will include an updated Website & Demo Reel.  It is yet to be determined if I will be able to include the character designs and/or animation from the animated series I’ve been apart of (not allowed to use the animation till awhile after the series airs or something to that respect) so it may be awhile.  Till then the website will go under daily modification until it’s completion, just in time for Siggraph 2011.  The reel will be at the tail end of the efforts, so expect the 2011 reel late July.  Your patience is appreciated.

P.S. - Tell me this isn’t the single most amazing thing to come out of a fortune cookie ever.

cookie.jpg

I know I’ve been MIA online the past several months & I’m sorry for that.  I finally landed a non-intern, consistent job in the industry doing free-lance flash animation.  It’s quite a world away from working in Maya to jumping on board in flash, but I’ve gotten quite an education these past months and I’m looking to maybe work with a senior animator to improve my modest repertoire.

A much needed new website is in the mix for 2011.  Now that Perchance to Dream has pretty much wrapped up it’s Film Festival tour, I’ll upload information on it’s awards (7 awards for Lolita!) and information on a new animated short I want to have done by April 2012. Also cooking up a little demonstration for Siggraph 2011, but more on that later.

Updates coming soon!  Bare with me.

After leaving school, I found myself stranded in this strange & uncharted territory; a sort of barren desert where things weren’t as hectic with no specifically marked paths.  At first I kinda wondered if something was wrong, like aren’t I suppose to be off working for some big company by now?  Am I doing everything right?  Do I need something else on my demo reel?  Who am I applying to anyway?  How am I suppose to go about applying?  What if nobodies hiring?  What about student loans?  Where am I suppose to go from here?

Then it occurred to me, instead of trying to find out how I’m suppose to get out of this un-charted territory, I needed to ask myself why God put me here to begin with.  So I started exploring the terrain and I realized that in the whirl-wind of school I had lost my perspective.  In fact, I didn’t LIKE doing artwork since I finished Perchance to Dream.  It had become a chore, like being married to someone that you’ve lost touch with; you take for granted that they’re there and forget the wonderful relationship that brought you into that union to begin with.  I needed to start courting my creativity again, I needed to fall back in love with animation and remember what it was that made me propose in the first place.

It’s been stressful.  I hadn’t realized that the marriage was falling apart until after graduation.  I discovered that my love wasn’t on speaking terms with me, that I couldn’t really do anything to please it.  It was very discouraging, trying to get my creativity to communicate with me, but it simply wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.  So I sat down with myself and began soul searching.  It didn’t take long for me to realize that my creativity was mad because I had been trying to woo another love, I had been cheating on my creativity with my ego.  Although attractive, and not all together wrong, ego had consumed my relationship with art and left it feeling neglected, even rejected.  What happened to those days when I wanted to tell stories for making a difference?  What happened to loving what I do?  What happened to the freedom that comes from shaking off expectation and trying for something regardless if it ends in failure?

I have been holding my dream too tightly, and in doing so have started to suffocate it.  I sat down with my creativity and apologized.  I’m sorry that I pushed you to perform for invisible expectation.  I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you when you said that you were intended for greater plans.  I’m sorry that I lost perspective and fell into the trap of pleasing what I perceived others wanted instead of pleasing the one who gave me my abilities and charged me with my mission to create.

So I started sketching.  Then I decided to animate.  I admit that my animations started before I was out of the woods in my creative funk, but they turned out alright I think.  Then I started to paint, paint things that mattered to me like The Taiji Dolphin Ribbon.  Then I started to apply my artwork to business, and found that I had fun delivering to my boss an illustrated story about roofing.

I hated it at first.  I felt so scared, like walking into counseling for the first time.  Having to sit in front of a blank canvas and call upon my creative gifts to say something in my heart was intimidating.  Having to sit in front of a blank canvas again and deliver something for somebody else while making it mine was also quite taxing.  But it happened.  And after it happened once, it happened again and again and again.  Wait a second, I love this.  I love that I’m creating art again.  More so, I remember now why I loved you in the first place.  I remember what I set out to do.  It’s not too late to try it, and who the hell cares what anyone thinks of my art or my films?  I’m going to do it for God and I’m going to do it for the few that my artwork can touch.

I’m ready to embrace my creative spark.   It’ll be rough sometimes, all relationships have their ups and downs, but I’m in it for the long haul.

Taiji

So I’m finally here in LA for the 2010 Siggraph conference.  I’ve arrived a day early to gather my bearings and situate myself.  The flight was probably long, but I slept through it so I couldn’t tell you first hand.  The food tray made for an inviting pillow once no longer in the upright, locked position required for take off.

In juggling work and conference preparation, I made the major flaw in forgetting to upload the new updates to my Website - namely my new demo reel and still image gallery alterations.  I’m writing from the central library computer not too far from the conference center.  A nice lady named Joyce let me use her computer login to write.  God puts nice people in my way.  Also, I find it amazing how much money you can withdraw from an ATM in LA at a single, given time…(long story)

Although the Internet is nice, this computer won’t allow me to access ether notepad or my FTP server to update my site.  As a temporary band-aid, I’ll upload the reel to my blog in hopes that someone, somewhere will click it.

Click Here, as this blog won’t let me embed

Been a busy several weeks.  I’ve completely overhauled my demo reel, taking out scribble corn & my super-crappy quadruped walk and replacing them with a re-work of my “Shark Attack” lip sync and the beginning 10 seconds of my new animated short, “A Bone To Pick”.  I hope to put the renders together this Friday for uploading.  I’m also going to reevaluate my still image gallery and add some much needed updates.  Everything ought to be done by this Sunday unless there’s some unforeseen event involving hail and storm damage.

It’s about time I write something to prove that I’m still here, and yes - there’s a pulse.

Sorry for the lapse of updates, I’ve just been terribly busy.  I will be attending Siggraph this year, and in anticipation I’m reworking my demo reel.  I’ll post an update shortly, sorry for not posting sooner.   I’ll make it up with a new animated short (something funny for a change!  No captive whales or laments of genocide, promise!)

~Lauren

Ps- Now to distract you all with this cleverly placed picture of my puppy.

“My task is to make you hear, feel and see. That and no more, and that is everything.” - Joseph Conrad

I always felt that being an animator was a selfish decision on my part.  My Dad was a state trooper, my Mom an ER trauma nurse.  My brother was a fire fighter, my sister a teacher for disabled children.  I’m am an animator.  I know how animation makes me feel and I know that I can make people see things in a different light.  I never fully understood the importance past that.

So when my parents give me too much praise for my trite accomplishments, I remind them that my work is self-serving.  Even when I animate something for someone else, like for Lolita the whale, I benefit.

My Mom would argue me.  It annoyed me, and I often brushed her off because, well, I’m an egotistical, proud humble person and I’ll be damned if anyone is going to argue my logic.  I cast her words to the wind.  Never thought too much into it, until she died.

My Mom has been gone for 48 hours now, died in her sleep in the wee morning hours on Saturday.  It was only half unexpected, as she has been terminally ill most of my life.  My Dad’s heart is broken, and I am helpless to comfort him.  He hasn’t stopped crying except for brief spells of sleep.  He dry heaves, he coughs, he won’t hardly eat and he won’t hardly drink.

I feel lost, even when I pray.  What can I do to help him?  What can I do to lessen his load?  What can I say?  After some consideration, I thought perhaps a movie would be nice.  I loved, “How to Train your Dragon” so, why not try seeing a movie?

I suggested a film, and we left.  He cried a little on the way to the theater, but he kept a straight face in line.  We gave our ticket, we took our seats, the lights went out, and the movie began.

For 98 minutes my Dad didn’t feel pain.  He didn’t feel regret.  He didn’t feel despair.  For 98 minutes he laughed a little, he smiled some, and enjoyed himself.  For 98 minutes he found solace and reprieve in the light hearted story of a boy and his dragon.  For 98 minutes, he felt peace.

I watched the movie, and I watched my Dad watch the movie.  Somewhere during that 98 minutes, the words of my Mom that I had once cast to the wind came drifting back like an old friend.

“How can you say that what you do isn’t important?  Don’t you understand, can’t you see?  You have the ability to bring people happiness when there isn’t any.  You can make them forget, even if it’s just for a little while, the pain that life won’t let them.  For a little while someone dying of cancer won’t think about death.  For a little while, someone who’s physically handicapped will forget their limitations.  For a little while, someone hurting won’t hurt.  How can you say what you do is selfish?  How dare you say that it isn’t as important?  It is the most important, powerful thing you can do for someone.  It’s peace for a moment, and that moment is everything.”

I love you Mom, and I won’t forget.  Not ever.

In short, I loved it.  I think this is the best animated feature film I have ever seen.   I’ll have to see it a few more times to make sure, but I’m totally awe struck by my first viewing.

It seems like every film Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois make remind me of what I want to do with my life.  I argue my limitations so often and I’m so intimidated by the industry that I often forget why it is that I do this in the first place.  Then I see a movie like How to train your dragon and I remember, “Oh yeah, that’s why.”

I’m gonna do this.  I’m going to make it.  I don’t know how long or how far I have to go, but I will make it.  No more of this holding back.  I don’t have to make promises, I simply will.  This is what I was created to do, and I’m not going to settle for less.  Tomorrow I’m going to wake up bright and early and started moving forward again.  Practice, persistence, and determination. 

Thank you God, I’m an animator.